Living a Long Life

 I found this a few months ago on Facebook and shared it then.  It is really powerful and  so pertinent to my time here in Douglas with Teresa.

LETTER FROM A MOTHER TO A DAUGHTER:

"My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day... the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.

And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked.

When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love.

I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter."

- Unknown

Although Teresa is my aunt, she is just like a mother.  Judy and I were fortunate to grow up with two mothers and if you count Mary, which I do, three.   Three wonderful women all strong in different ways.  

Teresa turned 92 in July.  I have seen a big decline over the past 6 months or so.  So many of the things that are mentioned in the letter, I am dealing with  her.  I have to be careful not to say "remember" and many times it is hard to be patient.  

Of course, I always have to find the humor in things.   The other night we were sitting watching TV.  Teresa had the remote.  I asked her to please turn to Channel 13.  About 10 seconds later, I told her that she needed to use the remote and not her cell phone to change the channel.  We both laughed.  And I know that this is hard on her because she is such an intelligent woman and I can only imagine how frustrating things can be.   

These past four years with her have been a blessing for both of us as I have said before.  She is truly one of the best human beings around!!!!!

Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones, But Names Will Never Hurt You.....................

I remember always hearing this saying as a kid and I guess I never thought much about it.  After I became a teacher and then a principal, I really thought about how untrue this particular saying is.   I want to talk about this further in this post, but I am going to digress for just a minute.

Two weeks ago when Teresa and I were in California for my cousin Eddie's wedding to Jody, I broke my foot.  It was really a fluke accident as all I did was stand up to go get ready for the wedding.  I turned my foot really badly and it really hurt.   However, I have had so much trouble with my feet all of my life that I truly am use to both of them hurting.  So I got ready for the wedding and limped my way through it.  It was at a vineyard near San Francisco and everything was beautiful.  

The next morning, we got up early as we had an early flight so that we could get back to Douglas.  I walked (limped) through the entire SF airport, Phoenix airport, got our luggage and helped Teresa.  By the time we got to Gilbert, my foot was very swollen and black and blue so I thought I better get to the doctor.  A trip to Urgent Care and then my orthopedic doctor confirmed that it is a fracture of a bone in my foot.   I am currently in a boot and go back in two weeks to see how it is healing.  The doctor told me it could take 3 to 4 months.  I am just thankful that it was my left foot.   I can still drive!!!   Several years ago I had surgery on my right foot and I couldn't drive for 4 months.  I was totally dependent on others.  

Now back to the names.............I always talked to each grade level at the beginning of the year when I was the principal.  I went over the school rules and then talked to the kids about how they should treat others.  One of the things I would always tell them is that if you break a bone or get a cut or something like that, it will eventually heal.  It may take some time, but it would eventually be okay.  I then talked to them about what they said to each other and calling others names.   I would tell them that this hurts our hearts.   While we can see an outward cut or bruise, the heart is hurting and can't be seen.  And many times those hurts don't ever go away.   I think all of us forget about the good things that happen or that people say to us, but we ALWAYS remember the bad things.   Treating each other with dignity and respect was the cornerstone of the community that was Gilbert El.

Since I have been in  Douglas, I still talk about this.  I always tell our faculty and staff that no one's job is more important than the next.  We each have something  to contribute in order for our District to run and to run well.

Over the past year and a half, I have dealt with some very negative people who believe it is okay to call others all kinds of very detrimental names.     I know in my position I can't possibly have everyone like me, but this has gone beyond that.    It is so sad to me that there are people out there who want to destroy the good things that are happening.   However, I can hold my head up and I am very  proud of the job I have done.  I have withstood this nastiness and know that I am a better person today after having withstood this.  My job here is not finished and I know that I have a lot of support from so many  people.   I hear it all of the time.

 My friend, Mike Rochin, posted another beautiful saying that I believe fits with this post:

"Life is a series of memories, some good and some not so good. The good memories bring joy to your heart when they come to mind and the not so good ones can bring pain or sadness. The idea isn't to only think of the good ones and be thankful for them and curse the other, but to also be thankful for the other because through those times came growth and strength. You are, in part, who you are because of all your past experiences. Use them as building blocks to continue growing and becoming a better you."


My foot will heal in a few months, but it might take my heart a little bit longer.   One of my  favorite quotes is "that sometimes it is better to be kind, than right."     In this case, I know that I have done the right thing and I will continue to treat people with kindness and respect. And I will use all of my past experiences as a building block to continue to grow and become a better person.  I truly am blessed!

Writing Saves Me from the Sin and Inconvenience of Violence.................

I am not sure why writing my blog has not been a priority for me.   I love to write and it is truly an outlet for me.    However, this year writing has been difficult and I have not experienced the joy and excitement to be able to update my blog on a regular basis.   I need to get back that joy and start writing more.  There are so many good things happening here and I can't let the negative issues overtake the so many more positive ones.     So I am truly going to try to get back to writing and forget the negativity that parts of my job bring.

Mike Rochin, who is a Facebook friend and is also from Douglas, posted something that really touched me in many ways.   He is an incredible writer and just about every day he writes something on Facebook.  They are always insightful, thoughtful, and touching.   Here is what he wrote:

"Some people can be mean and say and do things that are hurtful.   Instead of trying to “repay” them with the same acts that they use, remember that they are in some way broken and hurting.  Their treatment of others reflects this fact.  They simply don’t know how to channel their pain.  The answer is not to make excuses for them, but to keep a positive outlook and be thankful that you are not in that predicament."

This really hit me and made me think about some of the issues that I have been dealing with.  I particularly was taken with the part that says to be thankful that you are not in that predicament.  It actually gave me a truly peaceful feeling.  What Mike says is so true!!!  I thank him for sharing this with me and giving me an opportunity to reflect on his words!   

I am thankful that I am not in that "predicament."  I have a wonderful, loving family.  It has been a blessing for me to spend the last four years here in Douglas with my Aunt Teresa.   It has given her more time to be in the house that she loves.   My children are doing well and I have a precious grandson, Cameron.   Judy and her family are always so supportive of me.  My cousins are the best and our extended family is so close.  I have so many wonderful friends that I cherish.   And I still keep in touch with former students and families that I had as a teacher and as a principal.   My career has spanned 43 years and I still believe being an educator is the most honorable of professions.  I am so blessed in so many ways!

My goal is to start writing again at least once a week.  I still love the quote by Alice Walker that I have posted on my blog...........  "Writing saved me from the sin and inconvenience of violence!"




 

A Long Time

It has been quite some time since I have posted anything on my blog.   It seems that most of what happens in my life here in Douglas are not things that can be posted.   My job keeps me very busy and there are challenges every day.   Working in such a poor district with few resources can be very hard.  However, I feel that we are right on the brink of some great things.   It may take another year before we see the real gains.   Student learning is so hard to predict.   With all of the mandates, both from the state and the federal governments, it can sometimes be frustrating.   

This year we are working with a new consulting group--West Ed.  I have been so impressed with the work they are doing.   Right now they are concentrating on working with the principals and the academic coaches.  They are also working with our elementary teachers in math.  This year we still have AIMS testing, but still have to become knowledgeable of Common Core.

Although at times it is difficult, I am proud of all that has been accomplished.   The administrators, faculty and support staff are amazing and work so hard.  The kids here are great and so respectful.  And I love the sense of community that we have here. 

I still miss being an elementary principal and still believe it is the best job in the whole world.  But what I can do at the level I am at is way more than what I could do in that role.  Every position, especially superintendent, is political.   There are always people trying to make things difficult.  However, I have been able to rise above the nonsense that goes on and keep my head up as I know I am doing the absolute best for this community.  

I work many hours and don't get much time to myself.  When I come home, there is a lot to do for Teresa.   She is doing very well, but she is 91 years old.   She is gone for a couple of weeks to get some doctor appointments done, etc.  So this weekend I have had time to reflect on the last 3 1/2 years.  Despite all of the difficult situations, I know that my being here has been the right thing for me and the right thing for the District.  Our children deserve so much here and I am working to make sure that happens. 

I hope to start writing more as it really is therapeutic for me.   As Alice Walker says, "writing saved me from the sin and inconvenience of  violence."

The Loss of a Mentor

Today I attended the funeral of probably  my most favorite teacher of all time, Mr. Steve Paun.   I have been blessed to have had many good teachers in my educational career.   I can remember the teachers who really made an impact on my life......Sister Beatrice Ann, Sister Georgina Marie, Sister Ann Patrice from Loretto, Mr. Turner, Mrs. Herner, Mr. Rehurek, and Mr. Paun from DHS.   Sadly, I can't remember a teacher in my undergraduate studies who really meant a lot to me.  When I was working on my Master's Degree at ASU, I had Dr. Kay Hunnicutt, who will always be one of my  favorites.  I know there were others and I can't remember ever having a teacher who I truly didn't like, and that is amazing!

But Mr. Paun was special.   As I look back on his influence on my life, I believe that he was not only a wonderful teacher, but he was truly a mentor to me.  I didn't take a class from him until my senior year and it was speech.  However, he was the teacher adviser for three clubs that I was president of during my sophomore, junior and senior years of high school and he was my first mentor.  I didn't realize it at the time, but he truly influenced who I am today.   It is one thing to have a favorite teacher, but another thing to understand the influence that person had.   He always encouraged my leadership skills and supported me in so many ways.  My respect and admiration for him continues to this day.   He was truly one of the kindest, most empathetic human beings that I have ever known.

I didn't really keep in touch with him through the years, but would sometimes see him when we spent time in Douglas during the summers.   He got out of teaching after he got married to his beautiful (inside and outside) wife, Victoria.   He went to work selling insurance so that he could provide more for his family.  I remember thinking how sad that was to lose such an incredible teacher,  but understood his wanting to have more to support his family.

Several years ago, I found out that Mr. Paun had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's.  I remember how sad I was to hear that this vibrant, fun loving, intelligent family man could be struck by this horrible disease.  I knew that he had to be in a care facility because of this.  Today his son said that he was diagnosed at 57 and he died this month at 71.

Since I have been back in Douglas, I have gotten to know his son, Richard.  Richard teaches art at DHS and his wonderful wife is a kindergarten teacher.  Richard is so much like his father. He is an amazing human and teacher.   I have also had the opportunity to see his wife, Victoria.  Unfortunately, she has Parkinson's and her health is not good.   And she is truly one of the good people in the world.

His son talked about his love of family and of the stories he told to his kids as they were growing up.  He talked about his great sense of humor and his kindness.   He talked about his love of poetry and different poets.  I, too, love poetry and never connected that my love of poetry and poets probably came from Mr. Paun's class.

Today one of the priests talked about doubting his faith.  He said that sometimes he did when things happened to people like Mr. Paun and the Alzheimer's that came on so young.  I, too, wonder about that.  I know that there is a reason for everything, but I also wonder why people like Mr. Paun who are so good are taken so young. 

A few weeks before Mr. Paun died, I received a card from Richard thanking me for some things that had happened.  His last sentence said that he knew his dad would be very proud of me.  I think he would, but I hope that he knows that he contributed greatly to who I am today.

Thank you, Mr. Paun, for being such a strong influence in my life and thank you for being my mentor.  You were such a strong and positive influence  and I never was able to say thank you to you.  I hope that I have been able to do that a little bit through your wonderful son, Richard.  The world needs more people like Steve Paun and I feel blessed to have had him in my life!!!!

A Very Meaningful Quote

Just a short post tonight.   A friend sent me this quote from Maya Angelo.  It speaks to so much of what I deal with in my present position.  It is profound!!

"When people tell you who they are, Maya Angelou famously advised, believe them. Just as importantly, however, when people try to tell you who you are, don’t believe them. You are the only custodian of your own integrity, and the assumptions made by those that misunderstand who you are and what you stand for reveal a great deal about them and absolutely nothing about you."

This speaks volumes to me right now!!!

Those we love are never really gone as long as their stories are told........................

I have referred to this quote from my favorite author and my favorite book often.   This is a children's book, but I find the message is for all ages.  The book is The Last Dance by Carmen Agra Deedy.   It is the speaks to the love of families and the cycle of life.  In the story, the grandfather tell his grandchildren that every human being has the right to three  things in life:

To Dance.  The great thing in life is not so much to dance well,

but whether one is willing to dance at all.

To Sing,   Even if you sing off-key.  The crow has as much right to 

a voice as the nightingale.

To Tell Stories.   Those we love are never really gone as long

as their stories are told.

My mom was born on October 8, 1917 and she died on October 6, 2002.  It has been eleven years which doesn't seem possible.   There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her, especially now that I am back in Douglas.   The other day I was at the ATM early in the morning and a man asked me if I was Margaret's daughter.  I told him I was and he told me he served on the City Council with her and how much he thought of her.   I was very touched by that.

We try to get together as a family and go to dinner during October so we can tell stories to keep her memory alive.  Cameron was only three when she died and I truly believe that he remembers her even more because we get together.  

The last few Octobers things have gotten in the way and we haven't done as well as in the past.  But this year, we were able to get together with Judy, Ken, Teresa, Kayla, Kerri, Chris, Cameron,  and Patrick.  Patrick was here from California and it was so good to have him be a part of this.  

My mom was absolutely crazy about Cameron.  He could do no wrong.  And if you knew my mom, she was always strict with me and with my kids.  But for Cameron, there were no rules...........  Just before she died, we went to eat dinner at Carrabas for Kerri's and Cameron's birthday.  My mom was in a wheelchair at the end of the table.  Cameron did something he shouldn't have and Kerri started to "discipline" him.  My mom said she better not discipline him and she took her fork and tried to poke Kerri's hand.  It was really funny and hard to recreate in words.  So we went back to the scene of the "stabbing" for dinner this year.

I know that she would be very proud that I am here in Douglas with Teresa.  And I know she would be very proud of the job that I am doing.  A job of a superintendent is one of the most difficult jobs around with all of the politics--both local, state and at the national level.  I wish that we could talk as I know she would give me good advice.   But I also know that she would very much approve of the way I have handled things and risen above the negative people who are out there.  

She was one of a kind and many ways and I am proud to be her daughter!!   Her stories will live on in all of our lives.............