Through Tears--Laughter!!

The pictures on this entry are from our family reunions in Douglas in 1992 and 1997. My mom had four brothers and two sisters. Growing up we spent a lot of time with my cousins who lived in Phoenix. Their dad, Matt, was my mother's brother. We would come up to Phoenix from Douglas for the weekend quite often. During the summers, my cousins would spend time in Douglas. Through the years I feel as though we have always been close. Our kids grew up together as cousins and friends. For many years it was only Cecilia and Jay and their family and Yaya and Tony who lived in Phoenix. We would see everyone on holidays and other times. Several years ago, my cousin, Pat, and her family moved back to Arizona after her husband, Phil, retired from working for the federal government. I feel as though they are more my sisters than my cousins and I know that I could call any of them at anytime and they would do anything to help me, as I would do for them.

We usually do all holidays together and any other kind of celebration. We don't even need a reason to get together. It seems that I always have a funny story to tell from something that has happened at school. Phil, in particular, always loves my stories. I think that he finds it hard to believe that some of the things happen, and they do!! Every now and then, we have dinner at Yaya's house with just our generation, so we can share stories.

A few weeks ago, something really funny happened and I wanted to call Phil right away to tell him about it. I didn't call him because I wasn't sure how he was feeling. You see, Phil has been diagnosed with cancer and the outlook isn't very good. I had mentioned this in an earlier blog when we went to Knock. I had gotten some Knock water for him and said a special prayer for him when we were in Knock.

This past week, we received some very bad news about Phil. The chemo didn't do what it was intended to do and the cancer had progressed to a point where it was decided to bring in Hospice.

I called early in the afternoon today to see if it was okay for us to come and visit so I could tell him my story and we could see how he is doing. Phil answered the phone and sounded quite good. When I asked him how he was, he answered with "I'm not dead yet." We laughed and I asked if we could come over to see him so that I could tell him the latest story. So Judy, Kerri, Cameron and I went to see Phil.

When we got there, it was just Pat and Phil. He was in wonderful spirits and we were able to laugh about many things. He loved my story! He had an email printed out that was from another cousin in San Francisco to Pat. She is getting married some time in the near future. He wanted her to know that he was going to be cremated and he wanted to make sure Pat took some ashes with her to the wedding because he didn't "want to miss her wedding." Another time for laughs and smiles........

He has an incredible outlook on everything. Two of his children and their families live here. A son and his family live in Denver and are here now. His daughter and two grandchildren are on their way from Ohio. His youngest son will be here later this week.

Kerri has had a special bond with Phil. She is able to talk to him about many things. She has been especially sad about this news.

It is so difficult to see so many people that I love and respect leaving us, even if it is for a better place. Phil feels as though he is headed to a better place. He talked about that today.

I can tell you that the world and our family has been a "better place" because of Phil. He was an only child and I can't imagine what it must have been like to join our large, boisterous family. He is a gentle, unassuming family man who is loved by his wife, his children, his grandchildren, and all of the myriad of relatives in the Scott family.

God Speed, Phil. We all love you!!

Remembering Rob

Two years ago this month our community suffered a tragedy that had never happened before. Rob Targosz was killed by a drunk driver. He was the first Gilbert Police Officer killed in the line of duty.

I will never forget the day I found out. I was in Chicago at a conference when I was talking to my secretary on the phone. She asked if I had heard about the officer who was killed. She told me she thought it was one of the officers that stopped by every now and then to say hi. When she told me it was Rob, I was devastated to hear this awful news. What a tragedy for our community, for his wife and his family, and for his many friends.

I had gotten to know Rob when he took a graduate class from me through NAU. It was the first class that I taught and I had mostly police officers and a couple of teachers. What an experience that was!!!! Rob, Ric, and Steve were the Gilbert Policemen in the class. There were officers from Mesa and Chandler. Those guys kept me on my toes I can tell you that. Over the course of the next few years, I saw Ric and Rob on several occasions. Rob stopped by school every now and then.

I remember the day that the Town of Gilbert honored Rob. The route that the officers, fire departments, dignitaries, and Rob's family would travel would be right by our school. Our children and teachers made banners and we all stood in Elliot road to pay tribute to Rob. A few days later, I received an email from Rob's wife telling me how much it meant to her and to the family to see all of the children lining the streets. Over the past two years, I have been involved in helping with the Memorial that the Town built to honor public safety officers and have gotten to know Rob's wonderful family.

In addition, our sixth graders started a Memorial Garden at our school and have a place to honor Rob. The "761" in the picture was Rob's badge number with the Gilbert Police Department. His family came to see the garden at the end of the school year last year.

A few weeks ago, I read an article in the Arizona Republic about Rob's dad, Gene, and the father of the young man who was responsible for Rob's death. The article talked about how they have joined forces to lobby the state legislature about DUI laws. It was a touching article about how both families were devastated by this tragedy. Having gotten to know Gene, Brigitte, and Aunt Gina, I can see how they would understand and empathize with the young man's family. They are awesome people!!

I was asked to write a guest editorial for the local newspaper last April. I am including it here.

April, 2007
Gilbert Independent

Five years ago this summer, I had the honor of getting to know Officer Rob Targosz because he was a student in a leadership class that I was teaching for Northern Arizona University. The class was mostly police officers with a few teachers. It was the first class that I taught for NAU. I think I learned more from the officers than they learned from me.

I never thought much about their daily lives before that class. That summer, a police officer from Chandler was killed in the line of duty earlier in the day of our evening class. That night’s class will be something I will remember for the rest of my life. I learned about how these men and women face each day and deal with the tragedies of our society. They leave their homes, kiss their families good-bye, and go do their jobs. It could very easily be the last time that they do this.

I also learned what an honorable human being Rob Targosz was. I remember him talking about “doing the right thing” and not asking for credit for doing it. I remember his caring and passion for his profession and the difference that he knew he made each day.

Rob kept in touch with me after the class. He came to Gilbert Elementary and worked with our students on science projects. He shared how much he loved science because of his dad. I believe it is so good for our children to view police officers in different roles.

It is great to know that our town is in the process of raising funds for the Gilbert Public Safety Memorial to honor our police and firefighters. I believe that the memorial is very important, as our police officers and firefighters who make sure that all citizens are safe each and every day of the year. Their jobs have the potential of being extremely dangerous. Our society looks up to athletes, musicians, and actors who make millions of dollars. I believe that the people who go to work day in and day out in for the betterment of our society (including educators) should be our heroes. We need to recognize and honor these wonderful professions.

The children in the Gilbert School District have participated in the fund-raising as every school has sent in donations. Many of the schools have raised enough to have a tile with the school’s name on it as part of the memorial.

Every day heroes, like Rob Targosz, are what make Gilbert such an incredible community in which to live. I am proud to say I am a resident of Gilbert, Arizona!

Rob Targosz was truly an incredible human being!!! Our world is a better place because of him. What a legacy he has left to our community!!

To Emilie, With Love and Affection

Our family has always been close and always finds a way to get together for joyous and for sad times. Several years ago my cousin, Jan, said that we all needed to go to the fun events such as weddings and anniversaries, not just the sad ones. I think that we have done that and done it well. I have been to so many fun family events over the last many years, not just the sad ones.

I have a dear friend, Emilie, who lives in Northern Arizona. Emilie was a teacher at my school and my neighbor before she moved up north. Over the years I have been to many of her family gatherings and have been amazed how much her family is like ours with all of the cousins, aunts, and uncles being a part of so many events. Emilie's family is originally from Spain and all of her aunts and uncles are tios and tias.

When Emilie was still my neighbor, her parents would come from California to visit. They always brought her Tio Nino from Flagstaff. Her parents were always so friendly and so welcoming and always made me feel like part of the family. They particularly loved my theme song "Tequila Sheila." Her Tio Tony and Tia Edith from Flagstaff also loved this song. I had to make them a copy and that is what they always called me. Our families had a connection even before I met Emilie as my cousins, Tony and Yaya, were friends with several of her family members from up in Flagstaff.

Cameron and I drove up to Flagstaff Friday morning to attend Emilie's dad's funeral. Her mom died last June and I was unable to go up at that time. The service was beautiful with many tributes to her father. Many of Emilie's friends who didn't know her dad that well, said that they were grateful to him because of what a great person Emilie is. I agree! So many people talked about his warmth and welcoming personality, his big smile, his telling of stories, and his love for family. Anytime family could get together was a time for a party! It was a beautiful service and a tribute to a wonderful family man. Both Emilie and her brother spoke at the end. Emilie used the words from my favorite children's book, "The Last Dance" by Carmen Agra Deedy. This is a beautiful story of the life cycle and the family. In the book, the grandfather tells his grandchildren that every human being has the right to three things:

To Dance. The great thing in life is not so much to dance well,
but whether one is willing to dance at all.

To Sing. Even if you sing off-key. The crow has as much right
to a voice as the nightingale.

To Tell Stories. Those we love are never really gone
as long as their stories are told.

After the service, we all went to Emilie's parents' house for food and drink. Emilie told me that when her parents moved from California to Flagstaff, her dad added extra cement to the patio for dancing. I believe that death is a time to celebrate the life of the person. Emilie's family believes this also. Her brother and a cousin were playing an accordion and a guitar while everyone was dancing on the patio, just like her parents would have wanted them to do. All of the grandkids were there. It was so great to see John and Joe all grown up and such great young men! John and his girlfriend, Maya, were caregivers to their abuelo since their abuela had died. It was a celebration of a life well lived and a tribute to Joe and Fina Berruezo. They were married for over 60 years.

I know that next many months will be difficult for Emilie and her family. They will miss their wonderful parents as their lives go on from day to day.

Tom Brokaw speaks of our parents' generation as being "The Greatest Generation." So many of these great people are gone from our lives. We need to remember to tell their stories to the younger generation. Those we know are never really gone as long as their stories are told.

And so, my dear friend, here is an Irish Blessing for you and your family:

May you see God's Light in the path ahead
When the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear
Even in your hour of sorrow,
The gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness
Never turn your heart to stone,
May you always remember
When the shadows fall--
You do not walk alone.

I Love Lucy

My two adult children always make fun and tease me. However, behind that teasing is a lot of love. I think that their humor is their way of saying that they care. They both knew how sad I was when I had to have my Ellie dog put to sleep in November. We were all absolutely heartbroken about our little Blanca. So they did something for me that means so much. They didn't want me to be without that unconditional love, especially these last several weeks of the school year. They know how rough it can be. So Patrick found another little black girl pug and they got her for me. I felt a bit guilty at first because it was so quick. I was looking at different websites and I found something that I really like. It says "Don't think of the new pet as a "replacement" for your previous pet. You don't replace relationships; you build new ones. Your new pet will be a companion with whom you build an entirely new set of memories and experiences." And that has already happened!

I really wanted to name her something meaningful and I found a great name. It is "Lucia" which in Spanish means Light Bringer. This girl dog chases away the darkness. And she already has done this. She actually has papers. I have never had a dog with papers. So I guess when/if I send them in, she will have to have a formal name. I think Lucia is fairly formal, but I may try to add some more names just because she has PAPERS!! I am calling her Lucy. She has a little white spot on her chest and she is absolutely darling. We have already bonded and "I LOVE LUCY!"

A Recipe for Love

I just got back from a quick trip to Douglas this weekend. On Thursday, Teresa talked to Mary and Mary told her she wasn't feeling just right. Teresa wanted to get back to Douglas right away when she heard this. We had planned on going down to see Mary next weekend because we have a three day weekend, but decided to take Teresa down on Friday. We left as soon as we could get away from school. Teresa, Judy, and I , along with Judy's two teenagers, went down. I wanted to get the holy water from Knock in Ireland to her as soon as possible.

Judy had spoken to Mary's niece and she asked Judy if she would talk to Mary about some things that they were having a difficult time doing. Since Judy was a hospice social worker, she is able to to talk about topics that are so sensitive. I'm glad it was not me, because that is absolutely something I cannot do.

Saturday morning the three of us went to see Mary. She is now staying at her sister's house. It was very difficult for me to see her as she looks so gaunt and so sick. I want to remember her in happier times like these pictures. However, she was in a very "chipper" mood and was so glad to see us.

To describe in words what Mary means to me is not easy. Mary has been a part of my life forever. There was never a time when she hasn't been there. In this day and age of people moving from place to place and job to job, and relationship to relationship, Mary's story is amazing.

I have always known the story about how Mary came to our family. I talked to Teresa about it yesterday to make sure that I had the facts straight. In 1946, my aunt, Dot, had just had twin girls. She had two other very small children. She was coming for an extended visit to Douglas. My grandfather felt that some help was needed in the house so that Dot could get some rest. So he asked Teresa to try to find someone. Teresa contacted a lady who had done some housework for them and she said she had a younger sister who was looking for work. She told her that she didn't speak any English. So Mary, age about 15, arrived at the house and has never left.

Throughout my childhood, she was there every day to take care of us. She cleaned the house, did the laundry, disciplined us, and loved us dearly, as we did her. Many of my cousins spent summers in Douglas and Mary did the same for them. I mentioned in an earlier blog that I never ate lunch at school because we always came home to lunch that Mary fixed for us.

When we spent summers in Douglas when my kids were little, she was there for them, too. By that time, she only worked at our house three days a week and worked for the parish priest the other two. My mom and Teresa made sure that she had health insurance through the church and always paid social security for her. I learned so much from having Mary as part of our family. I learned how important it is to treat people who work for you with dignity and respect which is what my mom and Teresa did. They made sure that she had a retirement account and insurance. I learned that no matter what job anyone does to make a house (or organization) work, it is important and should be respected.

One of my favorite stories about Mary that we have laughed with her over the years was how she potty trained Patrick. He will probably not be thrilled that I put this in, but I am not sure he reads my blog anyway. He was two and a half and was still not potty trained and wasn't interested in being potty trained. I had tried, but to no avail so I just gave up and figured some day he would decide it was important. We would go to Douglas for the summer as soon as school was out. There is a small built in pool in the backyard that my uncle, Johnny, built for us one summer. I remember hearing a bunch of commotion outside and Mary speaking very firmly to Patrick. She had the the hose and was hosing him down without his swimming trunks on and speaking to him very firmly about not being potty trained. From that day forward, Patrick no longer needed diapers!!!

During those summers, Mary taught me how to make green and red chili meat and beans. I was telling her yesterday that I recently fixed over 100 pounds of roast into green chili for our school carnival. It is Mary's recipe that has been such a hit at our school carnival for so many years. But her recipe for love is what has meant the most. I know that she has loved Judy and me unconditionally. She has also loved our kids as well as so many of our cousins just as she would have her own children. Mary never married and dedicated her life to our family. She also has many nieces and nephews who love her dearly.

After she retired, she continued to come to the house several days a week for various reasons. She continued to do the laundry, to fix lunch, to help Teresa with my mom for those few years, and to be a part of our family. She took care of the house while Teresa was up here in the valley. When we went to Douglas, the first thing she did was come over and make tortillas for us. There are no better tortillas than Mary's!!! I missed those tortillas this weekend.

Two years ago, her nieces and nephews gave her a surprise party for her 75th birthday and we were all able to be a part of that.

I am so glad that we went to see her this weekend. I know that she is at peace. I was amazed that she and Judy were able to talk about her wishes for a funeral and where to be buried. At one point, she looked over at me and laughed and said something about me not being able to talk about these things. She knew that I was having a hard time holding it together. How well she knows me!!

Teresa is staying in Douglas for awhile. I know it is because she wants to be there if Mary needs anything. If any of our cousins want to send a card to Mary, just send it to Teresa and she will make sure that she gets it. As I said, Mary is at peace and is accepting of her illness. I know it is because of the life she has lead and her faith. She had such a huge part in raising Judy and I and I thank her for all of that she gave us. Mary has very little in the way of material possessions, but she more than makes us for that with her gentle spirit and her gift of love. Our family is blessed to have had her as part of it for almost 63 years!

We went to say good-bye to her this morning before we left. I know that we will get back down there again soon, as Kerri and Patrick want to go to see her.

There are so many recipes in the world. I am glad I learned how to make such great Mexican food from Mary. But her recipe for love is something I wish everyone could follow every day. Mary is an incredible lady without much education or worldly goods, but what she has given to our family can never be measured by a cup of this or a tablespoon of that.

Leprechaun Lament

I have been promising the picture from St. Patrick's Day in Limerick so I think today will be the day. Some humor is needed in my life right now, that is for sure!

But first, I must share a story that happened many, many years ago when my children were quite young. At the time, I wasn't able to get out much between teaching and taking care of two young children. My friend, Mary, and I decided that we would go out one Friday evening to see if we could have some fun. I saved money for a bit so that I could pay a babysitter and the Friday evening finally arrived. Mary and I got all "gussied up" for a night on the town! Were we ever excited for this adventure!! We arrived at our destination all ready to have some fun. As we sat down and ordered our drinks, we noticed that there were a lot of "little people" in the establishment. Now, we weren't in Ireland at the time, so they definitely weren't leprechauns. We didn't pay much attention to it until the night progressed. Mary is just a little bit taller than I am and we were the "Belles of the Ball" that evening. We were constantly asked to dance and dance we did until we figured out that maybe these short men might not have the best of intentions.

Through the years, this story has been told and embellished by Mary and I--kind of our own urban legend. One night not that long ago, we sat at Judy's table and told this story to my aunt, Teresa, and my kids and we laughed and laughed. So when I was in Ireland and the "leprechaun" asked me to dance and Patrick saw this, he knew my history, so to speak. Hence, the picture was taken, although he probably would have taken it anyway. This leprechaun had imbibed many beverages that evening and it was very obvious. I told him that I didn't want to dance, but he wasn't going to take "no" for an answer. He danced with me as I sat. When you see this picture, please realize that I am sitting in a fairly low seat. He looks taller than me, but trust me.........he wasn't!! After laughing with Patrick, I immediately called my friend, Mary, to tell her about it. It was about 11:00 in Ireland which would have made it about 4:00 in Arizona. Mary's answering machine picked up, but as soon as I started to leave the message, she picked up the phone. Did we ever have a laugh about this!! This St. Patrick's Day adventure will live on and be retold many times with laughter and smiles!

Humor is a much needed antidote to the everyday world. We all need to remember that and laugh!

I hope this entry brings a smile to your face!! It has to mine!

Kindness

I have been overwhelmed the past few days with all of the kindness, cards, words of comfort, emails, the comments on this blog from so many at my school and some other dear friends. There was even a beautiful bouquet of roses today from a teacher and her son who is a former student. It has been unbelievable and I cannot begin to thank them. I hope that they know how much it has meant to me.

I feel fortunate to be a part of such a wonderful place to go to work each day with a group of people who truly care about each other.

Thank you doesn't seem like enough, but I will say it anyway, "THANK YOU SO MUCH!"