A Day to Grieve for Me (94 Years below)

Cecilia and Jay left around 10 this morning.   I got up around 7:30 and came downstairs.  I sat down in "my" chair and fell asleep.   I slept off and on while Cecilia and Jay got ready, the pugs barked, and other noise was going on.   After the last few weeks with Board "stuff" and long hours spent, I was a bit tired when I got here.  The fact that I could sleep in the chair through all that was going on is amazing to me.

Over the weekend, we accomplished a great deal and got the majority of the house cleaned out. There is really not a lot more to do.    This week, I just need to organize the things that we are keeping.   I don't know what I would have done without Cecilia and Jay here to help me.  They are always so willing to do whatever is necessary to help and they are always fun to be around.   Cecilia always helps me put things into perspective at many levels!!!

We are leaving the kitchen cabinets with china, glasses, etc.   Kerri and Judy need to be here to see what they want.   The worst thing is going to be the cubby hole as I never went in there the five years I was here.   We are probably going to need dust masks and gloves for this room!

Today I took care of a few business items.  I am meeting with the man who does headstones tomorrow so we can get Teresa's headstone ordered.  I called the city about getting the graves cemented now that they are all full.    I got money to pay for the trash to be taken to the dump by one of the wonderful guys from DUSD who is helping me after hours.   And I met with the realtor and a gardener to get the yard back into shape as it looks awful.   I also took care of getting some changes made with the alarm system and a few other business items.

And I just need a day to grieve and that will be today and then I will be fine.  I am alone in the house (although the pugs are here barking their hearts out every time someone dares walk by the house).   I am sitting in Teresa's chair today instead of mine.  I have the cooler on and the front door closed.   I will probably turn it off in a bit and open the front door, but right now I need to be able to just "veg" and if someone shows up (depending on who they are), I may not answer the door.

It has been a long and difficult journey these last few years.   I love this house which has been my home for many years.  I grew up here, spent summers working at the smelter when I was in college, spent summers here when my kids were young, came down to visit a lot, and most importantly, spent five years with Teresa when I was the superintendent of DUSD.  So many memories are tied into 858 and they are wonderful memories.    This is truly the circle of life.  As Cecilia and I talked last night, we are now the "elder" generation!   Kind of scary!!!!

So  today I am grieving the loss of Teresa.    The anniversary of my mom's death is October 6 and her birthday (100th) is October 8.   I will be here during these days.  So that will be a nostalgic time. And I am grieving the selling of this house and the end of an era in Douglas for our family.

The past two years after Teresa and I left, I came down for different events and always stayed here.    Whether it was for a fun event, a funeral, or to fix dinner for Gilbert and Douglas kids when the Gilbert kids were on their field trip, that is also over.

It is not feasible for us to keep the house.   First of all, it is an expense and we don't use it enough to justify that expense.  Plus it is just sitting here and that is not good for a house.  I am actually wanting to bring closure to this as I think it will help me.

Several people have told me that I have a room to stay in when I come to visit.  I so appreciate that, but it will be difficult for me to know that some other family is living in this house.   I just hope that we find a family that will love it like we do and will take good care of it.  We have a wonderful realtor and I think she will do her best on that end.

There are so many people I love and care for down here and I don't want to lose connections with them.   I know in time I will be able to come down here again, but it may not be for awhile.

My friends, Jessie and Elise, and I are planning a cabin trip in early November.  I don't have to go through Douglas to get to the cabin and I am sure that is what I will do this first time.

So today I can sit in Teresa's chair and cry a bit and feel sorry for myself and I am doing that. Tomorrow I will get back to finishing up the few things left to do.   I hope to see some of the friends I have here.   Tomorrow is Taco Tuesday at the Elks Club!

Every three years, the Douglas High School Alumni Association has an all class reunion.  I went to two of them during my tenure as superintendent here and they were so much fun.   There is one this year on the last weekend we are here.    It will also be in conjunction with my 50th class reunion.   I look forward to seeing many "old" friends and the timing on this could not be better.  

I found this quote from Washington Irving that I think sums up today for me:

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.


 

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/washington149294.html?src=t_grief

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/washington149294.html?src=t_gri