Since we have been in Montana and I have felt good, I have also had some time to think about all that has happened in my life since the diagnosis with cancer. When I say feeling good, I mean having the strength to do things. And I have done quite a bit over the last week and a half. We traveled to Butte over three days with our old guy, Seamus, and our young Boston, Griff. Traveling with pets is a little bit more work. I also felt good enough to help Dave with the driving, plus I enjoy driving. We make it a three day trip so that we aren't in the car for too many hours.
When we got here, we had to unpack and put everything away. In addition, we had NO groceries. I normally do order and pickup anymore, but this first time we went to Walmart. I avoid Walmart most of the time, but it is basically the only choice for pricing. That was exhausting as we had so many things to pick up. However, it only took me an hour or so to recover which in itself is good.
The last few months when I would get up in the morning, I didn't have the energy to make my coffee, etc. for a little bit after I got up. Sometimes I would have to sit down for a few minutes before I finished it. Same with when I tried to fix dinner. I could do a few things and then had to sit down before I could continue. Of course, this was very frustrating for me because I was able to do everything. Just doing the laundry was a huge chore. As I said in an earlier post, there were days I couldn't even get out of bed. Most days I went back to bed for a few hours. Needless to say, this was very hard for me.
This was also a difficult time because I didn't want to share what was going on with a lot of people because it was such a difficult time. I wasn't able to go do things with friends. I was invited to many things but just couldn't make it. It has been interesting to see how friends have handled this. Most have been great but there have been other disappointments and hurts. I guess everyone handles things differently. I just don't get why you wouldn't be kind to someone who has cancer.
We had some tickets to both ASU basketball and the Diamondbacks games. I made myself go because I felt it was important to Dave plus I enjoy the games. However because of the lack of energy, it was very difficult, but I made it. I paid for it the next day, but I made it. I tried to never let anyone know how very difficult this was for me. The last Diamondback game we went to, we had to stand in line and it was extremely hot. I almost passed out and was so weak that I barely made it to our seats. Fortunately, Kerri and Cameron were with us.
The night of graduation, I was worried about being able to walk the length of the football field and stand to give out diplomas. It was very difficult and there were a few times that I was afraid I wasn't going to make it but I pushed myself and was able to get through the entire ceremony without any real problems. Fortunately, there was a lot of time to sit in between.
And I was always able to go to Board Meetings and participate fully. i would lay down all afternoon so that I would be able to do this.
And most important, I still was able to participate with my Tiger Buddy, which was another very important activity to me.
Because I now have strength, it has kind of hit home about how much I couldn't do. I was on the immunotherapy for a little over three months. People can be on it for a longer time and it depends on side effects and results. Fortunately my results have been very positive so far.
I did okay with chemo but radiation about killed me. Fortunately, we stopped that. But it did cause my diverticulitis to flare up too many times. I haven't had an episode of it since last August, which is very good. Hopefully there won't be anymore.
The fall was okay as I was recovering from everything but then I got hit with gallbladder surgery. It took me a bit longer to get over that because of everything else I had been through. But I got over it and was doing well. It really wasn't until mid March when things started to fall apart.
By the time we stopped the immunotherapy, I had made the decision that the quality of life that I had was not worth it. It is hard to explain but when you have no energy, can't do much for yourself, and spend a lot of time in bed, that is certainly not a way to live. We couldn't make any plans or when we did, there was a chance we would have to cancel them. We did things during this time, but it was difficult at best.
My purpose for writing this is to try to explain what cancer treatment is like. It is a devastating diagnosis and it causes one to look at life in a different way. I am feeling so good right now, but I have to be careful not to push myself too much because otherwise I pay for it. I kind of hit a wall every now and then but it doesn't take me long to bounce back.
I do know that quality of life is extremely important. I can only hope and pray that my present condition continues and I am feeling very positive about it. But I want to feel good and I don't want to be a burden on my family and I have been for many months. In the future if it recurs, I will certainly weigh the side effects and quality of life before I go through treatment again. However, I am glad that I did the immunotherapy and the lousy few months were worth it to feel so good now.
This morning I am tired from our travels over the weekend to the memorial service for Dave's friend, John. Two months ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that. So there is much to be thankful for!
And I can cook dinner without sitting down, do the laundry, straighten up the house and do other chores as needed. I am trying to walk a little bit everyday but I know that will take some time. Two years and my age certainly mean that this isn't going to happen over night. For someone as impatient as me, that could be hard!
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