Sunday, November 8, 2009

Reflections on Steven Patrick Dub and his Memorial Service

I have thought so much over the past few days about my wonderful cousin, Ana, her husband, Charlie, and their daughter, Madeline. I can't even imagine what they are going through with the loss of Steven in the tragic automobile accident.

Aunt Teresa and I left for San Francisco on Friday a week ago. Patrick came on Saturday and Kerri, Cameron, and Judy arrived on Sunday. We have so many family members in the bay area and they were all there for support. Family and friends were in and out of the house for most of the hours of the day.

Monday was the visitation at the mortuary. I don't think that I have ever seen so many people at a visitation. Steven had so many friends. Several of them went up and spoke about what a good friend Steven was, how he would always help the underdog, and how fun loving he was.

Tuesday was the funeral at St. Veronica's Catholic Church. This is the parish where the Dubs belong and St. Veronica's School is where Steven attended elementary school. We went to the mortuary before the funeral Mass and then drove to the church. When we turned onto the street where the church is located, all of the school children were standing on both sides of the street holding hands as an honor guard. I can tell you that touched me so much!!

The church was very full and the Mass was beautiful. His cousins and aunts and uncles led prayers, did readings, and presented the gifts. Steven's cousins, Samantha and Christopher, did a beautiful eulogy of Steven's life. It was touching and funny and spoken from their hearts. They did a fabulous job. I know how difficult doing this is. Steven's Uncle Mike is a San Francisco police officer. He arranged for bagpipers to be there. This was also very beautiful and touching.

Steven loved baseball, in particular the Oakland A's. His cousins sent a flowers with the A's colors and there was also an arrangement made to look like a baseball. Many people wore A's caps.

One of Steven's cousins, Brendan, was not able to be there as he had just started Marine basic training. He, along with Patrick, were honorary pall bearers. I know that this has to be a very difficult time for Brendan being alone in San Diego.

After the Internment at Holy Cross Cemetery, a reception was held at the parish hall. So many of Steven's friends were there. The common thread continued about Steven's unconditional gift of friendship to so many people.

We all left to come home on Wednesday. All of us will be back to the every day living of our lives. Ana, Charlie, Madeline, and all of our San Francisco family will have to go on with the daily routines, but their lives will NEVER be the same. I can't even imagine.......

It is so hard to try to make sense of this tragedy and why it happened. And there is probably no answer to any of this. Steven Patrick Dub impacted many lives in his short time on earth.

I haven't spoken to Ana, but I have sent her a text several times to tell her that I am thinking of her.

On the back of the program from the Funeral Mass was this prayer:


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change......."

6 remarks:

Anonymous said...

Sheila, what beautiful and heartfilled memories you have once again shared with your loved ones. Once again, your words will bring comfort and support to all those around you and to your family. This time your thoughts and rememberances of Steven and your love for him will shine through for dear Ana, Charlie, and Madeline. As time goes by they will read what you have written and keep it close and dear to their hearts. The Serenity Prayer has always been one of my favorites and gives us all the hope and fortitude to go on and to continue trusting in our LORD.
Hopefully you can rest a little now.

NP said...

That was beautiful as usual Sheila. The music is always so meaningful!
Love & hugs,

N-Search of Peace! said...

Life is a celebration!

And worded so, that the first step has already been taken...

Love surround you all and allow the face of that beautiful man, be your beacon in the dark!


Meags said...


Thank you for sharing. You truly do have an amazing family and I love that you share with all. I imagined the kids at school last year lined up and waving at the breast cancer walkers and when we waved at Officer Targoz' memorial ride two years ago. These moments that you support so beautifully for our community are coming back to support year. I am blessed to know you.


Anonymous said...

Family love and strength are life's treasures. Your sharing this difficult time is a personal strength for others to hold on to.
Your hand is always reaching with love. We all feel that. Friday we'll be showing our hope and strength at the Cancer Walk. The "honor guard" for Steven, so young, so valuable. God be with you.

Martha said...

Sheila, your tribute to Steven is beautiful. The depth of your love for your family as well as that of your grief is so apparent. I have always believed that one way we are immortal is through the impact we have on others while we are here on this earth; our deeds being kind of like ripples in a pond, traveling out from us in so many directions. Steven, obviously, impacted many lives in a positive way in the short time he was with us. I hope that knowledge provides solace for you, his family, and all of his friends.