Writing must be therapeutic for me and I really need some of that right now. I don't even know how to begin this entry. Last night we put the solar cover on the pool. I have been worried about this because Blanca has no fear. I had to go to a doctor's appointment this morning, and I had this apprehensive feeling before I left. I decided to stop home before going back to school because I had this feeling. Blanca didn't meet me at the door like she always does. Pedro and Pancho were there. I called and called her and she didn't come. I was so scared to go look in the pool, but knew that I had to do this. My worst fears came true. My little Blanca was at the bottom of the pool. I know she could have gotten out if the cover wasn't on it. I was so upset I called Patrick's principal and asked her to get him to come home which she did right away. Thank you, Barb, for you kindness and understanding even though this was "just a pet." He got her out of the pool and took her body to our vet. I just couldn't do that. Patrick called Kerri and Judy. I hesitated to call Kerri because I knew she had to make it through the rest of the day. But we knew she needed to know so that she could tell Cameron when she picks him up today. Judy had her lunch break and came over right away. I had called my Barb and told her that I couldn't come back to school today. I remember when Judy does her talk to my NAU classes on grief and about the difference between grief when you know someone is dying and have time to prepare and when it is sudden. When my mom was on hospice, I had time to think about what the outcome was going to be. I don't think it made it easier, but there was much time to think and prepare. The day to day living afterwards is not any easier and I still miss her every day. Not that there is any comparison here. When I had to have Ellie put to sleep, I saw her decline and new that it was the most humane thing to do. But this feeling is awful. I know there is nothing we could have done. But I am getting rid of the pool cover. It is absolutely not worth it to have the pool cover. I know she would have been able to get out if the cover wasn't on.
Kerri and Cameron just came in. Kerri's teammates at her school told her she needed to come home. She stopped in to talk to our social worker and she recommended she get Cameron and bring him home. Needless to say, he is devastated. Thank you to Kerri's teammates for this and to the school secretary and her principal.
Pedro and Pancho know there is something wrong, especially Pancho. He and Blanca loved each other dearly. Yesterday I bought a new camera. I was playing with it and took a couple of pictures of her. I know there are some people out there who think this was only a dog. But dogs become such a part of a family. I wrote about both Ellie and the pugs recently because they have brought us so much joy and laughter to our lives.
I love poetry and quotes. I was looking for something to add to this blog, but could only find poems and quotes about the death of an old dog. But I did find this and I think it sums up my feelings very well.
If you have a dog, you will most likely outlive it; to get a dog is to open yourself to profound joy and, prospectively, to equally profound sadness.My little black girl pug, Blanca, even in these short months has been such a comfort to me. I thank her for being so excited to see me when I got home, for sitting on my lap each night, and even for her nonstop licking!! She was definitely my dog. To say I feel sad is an understatement!!!!!!!