Thursday, October 29, 2009

Devastating News

For some reason, I didn't sleep very well last night. Around 3:30 a.m. I got up to get a drink. Just as I got back into bed, my cell phone lit up and dinged indicating a text message. I got up to read it and there was a message from my dear cousin, Ana, in San Francisco. The message said that her son, Steven, had been killed in an automobile accident and that her sister would be calling everyone in the morning. The last line said that she needed me. I immediately called her and heard the devastating news which is a parent's worst nightmare.

Steven and two of his friends had been in Las Vegas to hear one of his favorite bands. It was a break from his school work at San Francisco State. Coming back yesterday they were involved in a head on collision and Steven and his two friends were all killed. Steven had just turned 19 in September.

What does one say? There is truly nothing that can be said at a time like this. All I could say to her is that I love her. I told her that I would be there as soon as I could get there.

Needless to say, I could not get back to sleep. All I could think of was Ana and Steven's dad, Charlie, and Madeline, his little sister. I thought of his aunts Lena, Rosemary, and Romy and his uncles Michael and Eddie. And all of his cousins who loved him dearly.

I didn't know what to do other than say some prayers for all of us who are left here to deal with this tragedy. I didn't want to call anyone because of the time. I finally sent a text message to his aunt Romy and she immediately called me.

I didn't want to wake up anyone in our family here until it got closer to morning. I was very worried about my Aunt Teresa as she has been in Douglas and was all alone. Kerri and Cameron had just been out to San Francisco for Fall Break. And Patrick has always had a special bond with Ana. Around 5:30 I called Judy. She immediately decided to drive to Douglas to get Teresa. We decided to wait a few hours to call her. I then told my kids who were absolutely devastated. I spoke with Yaya as she usually gets up early. Teresa Ann and Cecilia called.

I remember when Steven was young. He loved to read and I would get him books from our book orders at school and whenever we had an author come to our school I would always get a signed copy for him. Kerri said that she always thinks about him when he was about 4 over at Yaya's house in his Ninja Turtle Underoos.

About three years ago, Steven and Charlie came to see us for the weekend to go to an ASU football game and to see the campus. At that time, Steven was trying to decide where to go to school. His grandfather, Bill, was an ASU graduate so he decided to see what it was like. We had a great time tailgating and visiting.

Last August when we went to New York for the wedding, Ana and her family were all there. Steven was absolutely darling. It was so neat to watch him and Charlie together. Steven looked a lot like Charlie and you could tell how much he loved his dad.

I have been "Facebook Friends" with Steven for several months and I enjoyed keeping up with him that way. Steven was very involved in AA and talked very proudly of that on Facebook. Like many young people today, he had been through some tough times and was working hard to better his life. I know how proud his family was of his efforts and successes.

A little while ago I read his wall on Facebook. The recurring theme was Steven's incredible zest for life and his overcoming obstacles. Many talked of him being a role model to them. He had many friends who cared about him.

Tomorrow Teresa and I are going to San Francisco. The rest of my family and many of the Arizona Scotts will be going this weekend. The services will be Monday night and Tuesday.

Last January when I did the eulogy for our dear Phil, I found a quote for Pat and I want to share it with Ana today. Alice Walker says, "Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister?" When I spoke with Ana she told me that her sisters had all been there with the family. I know how much her sisters mean to her and I know they will bring her solace.

As I write this, I am heartsick. I can only hope that I will also bring some solace to Ana and her family. Ana, I love you!!

And for Steven Patrick Dub,

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;

The rains fall soft upon your fields

And until we meet again


Please say hello to my mom, your grandpa, Bill, your grandma, Rose, and all of the rest of the family who I am sure were waiting with open arms for you, dear Steven.

14 remarks:

Anonymous said...

Oh Sheila, I'm just heartbroken for you and your family. My prayers are with all of you and for safe travels. I am so sorry.
Love & hugs,

The Toenjes Family said...

What terrible news, my heart is aching for you and your family. Take of each other and remember to celebrate Steven's life. He sounds like a wonderful young man who was loved and respected by many.

Kerri said...

He will be missed, it's always sad when a family member leaves us - it's just harder when it's sudden and it's someone who is young. My heart is heavy tonight, but it's in San Francisco - where I left it a few weeks ago. I'm glad I was able to spend some time with him, one on one, talking to him and telling him how proud I was of him. It's still unreal, and as a parent I can only imagine what Ana and Charlie are going through.

At least we Scott's are many and there are many arms to hold, hug and support each other in this time of great sorrow.


Anonymous said...

Steven was so bless to have everyone in his life we had a memorial for him tonight there's also a candellite vigil on thursday night at san francisco state we will be in our hearts forever -megan moon

Anonymous said...

Dear Sheila,
So sorry for your loss, your family's loss. Be strong. Kerri said it so well, comfort comes from arms of love. My thoughts and prayers as you travel to SF.

Anonymous said...

My daughter got a message from one of Madeline' friends yesterday and we all prayed it wasnt true. God Bless you all during this unthinkable tragedy. STeven will live on forever in the hearts of those he touched.

N-Search of Peace! said...

Wrapping my arms around your entire family sweetie!

May the life of your Steven, be the celebration he so strive it to be, rather than the tears and loss that are consuming you all...

Love and in holy peace...

Martha said...

Sheila, I knew something had happened from Kerri's facebook post yesterday, but didn't know what. When I saw your closed dark office today, I knew it wasn't good. I am so sorry to come home this evening and read your post. It makes my heart ache. Joey is the same age as your Steven and I worry about him all the time. I will be holding you and his parents and all of his family close in my heart as you mourn and celebrate his life. I hope it helps.

Lydia said...

Sheila, I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew. I know how hard and devestating it can be. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers! Travel safely and let his family know that they are also in my prayers. My heart aches for his parents! I know how hard it was for my sister. Just know he is in a wonderful and glorious place with those who love him! We all love you!!!

velvet brick said...

Oh Sheila....I had no idea when I text you asking if you were alright that this horrific tragedy had happened. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of such an amazing young man, Steven. As we travel through life, we expect to bury our parents, perhaps as we age....but we never imagine burying our child. My thoughts have wondered throughout your family and my prayers have been for comfort, love and peace for his parent's broken hearts and every one elses.

The image of the accident has haunted me....I can't get it out of my mind. I also can't help but think of my Maggie - who is 18 and has the world by the tail - don't they all? I worry about her now more than when she was little! I called her when I left school Thursday and told her of your family's loss....I reiterated to her to please be so very careful when she is out-and-about driving. I cautioned her, again, that life is so fragile and one instant can be so permanent. We both were thinking of you and your family for a moment on the phone together.

Loss and heartache are so stinging.... but love and family and togetherness at this time are helping to comfort all of your hurting hearts. Please know that we all are thinking of you from down here. Please be safe, pass love from us to all up there and know that we are all here for you.

With love and prayers,

Janice... Just Write said...


My prayers are with you and your family. I found peace in reading that Steven was on a path of renewal and faith in his short life's journey. May you and your family be at peace too.

Judy said...


Everytime I have sat down to respond to your beautiful blog, I have had too many tears to complete my comment. I am heartsick for Anna, Charlie, Madeline, the Dub's, the Scott's, the O'Brian's, Steven's friends, Madeline's friends, and all hearts touched by Steven's loss.

These past few years have been some of the busiest years of my life and I have not been able to travel as much with the family as I would have liked. But, I have cherished the wonderful stories of Steven and all the times I had the opportunity to be around him. He was so cute when he and Charlie came to look at ASU. I can not begin to imagine Charlie and Anna's anguish. I am so grateful that you and mom made it to SF so quickly. I know you are a comfort to Anna, Charlie, Madeline and all the family. I am there in spirit and prayer. Physically, I will see you tomorrow. Your blog is such a tender tribute to Steven. I know he would say: "thank you, dear Sheila."

Anonymous said...

Tom and I want you to know we are thinking of Steven's family and all of you during this terribly sad time. The loss of one so young is just heartbreaking. We are so very sorry. I know you will bring comfort to everyone by your presence and prayers. Take care and God Bless. HE is walking beside you, my dear friend!
Tom and Sandra

Julie said...


I am so sorry to hear about your family's loss. It is heartbreaking and tragic. I lost my cousin when we were 20...I know how difficult a tradegy like this can be for a family. It is wonderful that you are all there to support one another....and love and hug each other. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!